why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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