i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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