yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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