Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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