Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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