That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
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I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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