i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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