you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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