i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He shit in the fireplace
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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