he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Less talking, more tequila
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The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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