Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sober January is a disaster.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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