It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
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Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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