i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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