DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
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I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
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I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize