that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
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I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
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Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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