I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize