Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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