he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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