I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
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The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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