holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize