theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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