I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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