I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize