how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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