I could have mohawked her pubes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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