One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
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Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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