Are we in a gay sports bar?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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