proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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