If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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