He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize