Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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