Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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