I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
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Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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