good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize