first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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