my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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