I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
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just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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