I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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