I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize