The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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