Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize