you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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