There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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