I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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