she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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