I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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