apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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