I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize