I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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