just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
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ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
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I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize